There are two types of people in this world

I was out to dinner with a random bunch of gf's friends among who I met a 27 year old BSDesi who runs the derivatives trading desks at a well to do bank (according to the league tables). This guy seemed to be pretty made. He was going on about buying a 1500ft loft with 14foot ceilings on Broadway overlooking City Hall. BS in Math and Economics from U of Chicago. Regardless, he seemed like an friendly guy.
I asked the guy when/whether he was going 'buy side' or PE ? He answered with
'There are two types of people in this world: Those who try to look for a better place and those who try to build it around themselves. Those who look for a better place never find it'
I found this to be some profound shit.

I feel like a consultant already

In response to the previous post on doing work for a previous job, I've written the following email:

Former Co-Worker: As per our conversation on Friday 2/23 I have taken a look at the spreadsheet code to come up with some possible recommendations: 1. make sure you have enabled macros. thats covered in the ppt slides. 2. make sure to adhere to the structure given in the !README.txt file for the incoming folder. try both variations of with and without the date folders. try to make your dir. structure look like this ...... cut&paste of doc file I've written 2 years ago .... 3. try above options with all lowercase letters ...... cut&paste of doc file I've written 2 years ago ... 4. given what you have told me regarding some environment changes in the [NAME] file tool, I cannot with any certainty give an answer without further research and a recreation of the environment you are executing this code in. note : the password to the VBA project file is ************* Please let me know how much time I should devote to this. Thank you - MachineEarning

I have accomplished the following:

1. written a long email that nobody will hopefully want to read
2. did ZERO work
3. told people what they already know (or could have known)
4. semi-subtly hinted at getting paid
   
5. used big words

We need your help ! Come work for free !

Today ME is all about the way of the future: multimedia.
I got the following voicemail on my home answering machine.

Hear it :

Background Story: I quit this job a year and a half ago. Back then I had two clueless Ivy League summer interns. The entire output of their summer was writing a macro to load and compare two text files from mapping and load modeling systems for a utility company. They were out of date by about 10 years. The interns were EE majors and didn't know their ass from a computer. Despite abysmal knowledge of programming, excel and the corporate systems they were hired to work with, the duo somehow managed to crank out enough code to 'massage the data' and look like they weren't reading LOTR and Narnia books for 12 weeks.
This spreadsheet is the culmination of 1) 6 month 'research project' by a union employee, the culmination of which is a promotion to a prominent/cushy management position 2) formal thesis paper (internally) published by a management associate hire (MSci in EE) from some CUNY, the culmination of which is a promotion to a prominent management postion. I think there was some award for his quality of work 3) 2 years worht of effort of several SMEs in collaborating on the paper/research/implementation 4) two Ivy League EE summer interns working on implementation full time. Sadly, these man (&woman) hours are completely wasted unless I call them back.
It appears that everybody that had their hands on the spreadsheet quit or feigns retrograde amnesia. Whoever got stuck with 'figuring it out' obviously has ZERO Excel/VBA skills (and was thus appointed). He probably can't get through some configuration options. Perhaps he's encountering some security features I've built in (for shits 'n giggles). Either case, the primary reason I left this company is so I wouldn't have to deal with this kind of bullshit, but apparently I cannot escape.
The big question is whether the person leaving me a voicemail is willing to comply with the principles set forth in the blog name. It seems the 'machine' constraint will be satisfied, but the 'earning' paradigm is still up in the air. Here are my possible case scenarios:
1. I call, its a short conversation because I don't remember anything
2. I call, its a long conversation for the same reason as above
2.5 I call, its a long conversation for the same reason as above. The guy figures out email and send me the spreadsheet. I still can't help because of external dependencies (this thing FTPs somewhere)
3. I call, its a short conversation. I agree to come in. Fix it and meet up w/ old coworkers.
4. I call, its a short conversation. I agree to come in for a fee. Fix it and meet up w/ old coworkers.
5. I call, its a short conversation. I agree to come in for a fee. Fix it and meet up w/ old coworkers. I sucessfully upsell : convert the whole thing to a DB app or a shell script.
5.5 I call, its a short conversation. I agree to come in for a fee. Fix it and meet up w/ old coworkers. I sucessfully upsell : convert the whole thing to a DB app or a shell script. Pigs fly.
6. I don't call. Everyone lives happily ever after.

I like 5 then 6, but I think 2 is very likely.
More to follow. I guess I'll call tomorrow. What would you do ? leave comments.

10-hours-a-week Blues

Most people spend between 30 - 60 hours of every week at work. On the high end of this distribution lies an inevitably self destructive tendency to take your job too seriously. This might someday become the subject of another post. The subject of this post lies on the opposite end of the spectrum.

In theory, a 10 hour workweek is ideal. Such a schedule earns just enough money to pay the bills. Moreover, the thrifty consumer might actually be able to catch some thrills on a 10-hour salary.

Means and ends aside, a 10 hour workweek affords one a lifestyle of intellectual and spiritual exploration and enrichment. Not having a commitment to fake 40 hours of diligence allows for much more fulfilling reading, thinking and general grokking of things.

But what is the price that you pay for such a lavish situation? What exactly happens in those 10 hours every week that squares you with Karma, Krishna and Jesus for the heathen trespasses you commit?

The short and long answer to those questions is: NOTHING

Doing nothing is the most depressing activity imaginable. Especially when one considers the amount of effort that this requires. I guess I am not as good at it as the corporate world expects me to be. I will do my best to improve

Expedia @ Columbia Engineering Career Fair

Instead of an interview, I think Expedia just added me to their 'Weekly Best Travel Deals' mailing list.

The Email:

From Expedia Recruiting (No Reply)"

Thank you for visiting with Expedia at the recent Columbia Engineering Career Fair. We enjoyed meeting with you! At this time we will not be moving forward in the process; however, we would like to keep you in mind for future opportunities. We apologize for the tardiness in this message, and hope you will consider Expedia in your future career. We’d like to invite you to visit our website at www.expediajobs.com for current and future opportunities. Please apply online for positions of interest and if there is a match, you will be contacted. Thank you again for your interest in Expedia.

Best Regards,

Expedia Recruiting

Selling the major (downriver)

It seems that a lecture has not gone by without the Managment Science teacher talking about how much money we could be making with the knowledge he's bestowing upon us. There is open talk of 6 digit salaries out of college, us being highly sought out management [science] consultants, and us someday going on to do something great : making a lot of money. The flashy graphics on the on the left and top suggest that this is somehow an attainable goal, that people like to stare at pretty [old] computers with lots of numbers on the screen and there's a lot of teamwork going on. Let this not be misconstrued as positive reflection on the web [design] team, but the pictures are very suggestive.
However, sad reality remains that this is being taught to Business Technology Management majors (see InfoSys kids). This is an overestimate of all firms hiring from Poly. Consulting firms are strangely missing. But hey, being a management science analyst consultant for the New Jersey Turnpike Authority is surely just as great. Oh wait ... you need an EE or Civil degree for that. Wait, maybe its just what Lockheed Martin/Knolls was dying for ... nope. How about BAE Systems ... no, even the most inept of HR personnel will distinguish between a BTM and CS degree. Hey there's always Financial sector, but we've already discussed that. It's a guaranteed path to becoming a (2) aspiring to be a (1).

We all know there's a crisis in university computer science departments?

One more brazen repost from Slashdot. This is the last one, I promise - maybe.

The death of computing

A fellow Information Technology Professional from across the pond has penned the article linked above. In the interest of preserving friendly international relations, I will adequately reply to the aforementioned work by saying:
.
.
BULLOCKS!!!

With maintaining brevity and focus in mind, I will refrain from quoting figures that directly contradict the conjectures made in the article. I will forebear. I will not critique the heinous verbal diarrhea fondue that the author dips his points in, subsequently implying that the greenish-brown substance on the outside is simply rhetoric.

Despite all that, the author had a valid point. A point that is becoming an idee fixe of this blog. There is a vast gap between the skills required by IT work, and the knowledge imparted by a Computer Science education. Most successful corporations have recognized this in their hiring practices long before the article in question was published.

Interestingly enough, this does not cause CS graduates to lose IT jobs. This fact that IT is not the best fit for someone genuinely interested in CS is not publicized by college career services offices. Colleges are interested in producing optimistic graduate hiring figures. IT jobs are great at raising starting salary statistics for colleges.

On the other hand, employers are simply looking to snag anyone competent enough to format spreadsheets. They will hire any CS graduate who does not mention WoW during the interview. They will also hire graduates with CompE, EE, MechE, CivE, ChemE, Bio, Pre-Med, Pre-Law, Mathematics, Political Science, Psychology and English degrees for the SAME EXACT POSITIONS as the CS kids.

This is in no way a crisis. The worst case scenario is that a large number of talented CS graduates will take IT jobs. This will lead to an obvious waste of talent. Fortunately, the motivated CS students will avoid getting stuck in an unrewarding, boring IT job by reading this blog. Thus, the IT jobs that this blog frees up will contribute to a booming global tech economy. Which, in turn, will give guys like


an opportunity to publish by trumpeting the death of a subject that they know nothing about.

Fwd: Capital IQ - Interns and Full-Time

Doesn't it feel good to get these ?

From: Some Lady
Date: Feb 2, 2007 1:44 PM
Subject: Capital IQ - Interns and Full-Time
To: abunchofothersuckers@ivy.edu

Hello,

We're excited about what's happening at Capital IQ and are looking for the best and brightest to join our team. If you're interested in working with the fastest-growing financial services software platform and changing the way that financial professionals use technology, this is the place for you!

Before we move forward, we'd like for you to take some time and answer the four questions below:

1. Describe the last project you worked on, please include a description of the business problems your task was meant to solve and any technical or team hurdles you encountered. Also, include a description of the specific module/part of the project you wrote yourself.

2. Describe an object model you would use to control access to given functionality inside your application. The access is controlled per user. Describe how you would store and access this information in your code. Document any assumptions you make regarding environments, etc.

3. What type of team environment do you like to work in? How are you most effective?

4. What challenges you most on a day to day basis?

Thank you for your time. Our technology team will assess your questionnaire and we will get back to you soon.

Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions or concerns.

-Lady

The LBC Drama Team

Some Lady

Capital FU, A division of Sub-Standard & Poo

69 Water Street, 69th Floor New York, NY 10041

Slashdot considers quitting...

This post discusses the repercussions and procedures for quitting and getting fired.

Here's ME's contribution to the discussion:

It is the humble opinion of the author that the single best way to quit is to do all the things you've always wanted to do but didn't for fear of getting fired



Another good way to quit your job is to start blogging prolifically about everyone and everything that you encounter at work, making sure that all the names are NOT changed to protect the innocent. In fact, defame as many of the innocent as you can. It might be hard to keep this up for more than a week or two. But have patience. If you publicize your blog, you will be summarily terminated within about a month(according to my calculations)